Where's the Beef?

I scare the crap out of Todd sometimes, just for the hell of it. It’s fun to hit him with real whoppers. “I’m pregnant.” That’s the best one. Nothing more frightening than that. And anytime that I talk about vaginas. That’s scary and he hates it. I yell “Vagina” at the top of my lungs. Because it makes him nervous and it makes me laugh. Lately, I’ve been throwing another “V” word at him. Vegan. “I’m becoming a vegan.” This actually scares him as much as the idea of another kid. Or actually, I’m not sure what’s more horrifying – another mouth to feed, or 9 months of my brutality. I’m a bitch when I’m pregnant. Sorry Todd. I know I sucked.

Anyway, when it comes to food I can really scare the hell out of Todd. He thinks Tofu is a dirty word. I did slip Quinoa in the mix one day and he liked it, only because he didn’t know what it was. I didn’t tell him it was healthy.

The fact of the matter is, I wasn’t just being mean with the vegan word. I was sort of testing him out. Red meat runs my life. I eat a ton of it and it’s starting to wear me out. I’m tired. Red meat makes me weak. It takes so much effort to chew. I spend my life in a constant state of chew. Enough is enough. I’m giving my body a break. No more red meat.

And less dairy. This is harder for me. Dairy makes me happy. All of the bests foods are dairy – cheese, sour cream, cream cheese, chocolate, ice cream. We’ll work on this too. But I’m starting with the red meat.

One thing. Todd doesn’t know this yet. He’s going to find out when he reads this post. I’m used to scaring him because it’s fun. But now I’m afraid. He might panic. We love meat. He might also think I’m just kidding. No, baby, I’m not. I’m not eating red meat. I’m done.